STOP WALKING SO F****ING SLOWLY!!!!!
So, this is my all-time favorite advertisement and I finally got a picture of it. I don’t think the ad is running anymore, but I hope everyone got a chance to see it in real life.
I wonder who their audience is…
People can be so selfish sometimes. Especially on the metro. Like during rush hour, when the train is packed, sweaty disgusting people all around, and that one jackass decides he has to lean his entire fucking body against the pole so that no one else can hold on to it. COME ON!!! Who the hell do you think you are? That pole’s vile anyway, you don’t know who’s touched it (I’ve seen some pretty nasty people grab that pole). Yet you decide that you’d like your whole body and all of your dry-clean-only clothes to touch it.
Maybe I should think about it like they’re cleaning the poles for us – rubbing their clothes all over it. Although it’s hard to think positively as my hand is being smashed between the dirty pole and their even dirtier back. Sometimes they’re tall enough that their ass actually touches my hand (yeah, that’s what happened to me last night).
So, if you’re one of those people that has EVER leaned on the pole, fucking stop. You’re a jackass and no one likes you.
I received this letter from a concerned reader:
How can I curb my “Metro-rage”? I frequently encounter DC commuters who are oblivious to the swift movements needed to enter, and in particular, leave a metro station. I feel walking up the escalator should be done in a quick manner, rather than taking each footstep so slowly that I cannot help but scream silently in my head and perhaps mimick strangulation. If you are going to walk up the escalators, you should probably go faster THAN the escalator.
Stuck in Foot Traffic
Well, SIFT, I have definitely experienced my fair share of the metro escalator traffic jam (aka METJ). I just can’t comprehend why people have to walk at a normal pace to the escalator, and then immediately when they get to it, stop and wait in order to time their entrance with the appearance of new stairs. Watch out for those cracks! (You might break your mother’s back). Maybe it hasn’t occurred to these people, but the escalators stay flat for a couple seconds before they actually turn into stairs. That really should give you enough time to make sure you’re not standing on a crack. If it doesn’t, you shouldn’t be allowed to leave your house because you’re either too slow or too dumb to force others to endure your presence.
It’s time that I wrote about DC’s Metro. I think it is a subject that should be covered by every blogger, every valiant writer of this District of Columbia. I know we all have complaints about this seemingly wonderful system, and while I cannot and will not post every one of mine, I will discuss two. This will be followed by a partial list of my other issues with DC’s public transportation.
WIDC: Stand on the Right, Walk on the Left
Tourists never seem to get this. I constantly find myself running to catch a metro that’s approaching the station to find a bunch of tourists in my way. Of course they can see and hear that a metro is approaching, but do they think that someone might want to take it? No. They’re always muddled about the width of the escalator until someone says, “Excuse me!” as they try to run past to catch the almost-closing-doors of the metro that won’t come by again for another 15 minutes.
As I run by, I feel like the tourists are staring and thinking, “Why the heck is she in such a hurry? We don’t have to be anywhere.” Some of us go to work during rush hour!!! That’s probably why it’s rush hour. Duh.
Not only are there generally tourists without a clue on the metro, but the escalators aren’t working or every single line is delayed, and there’s always at least 5 elevators that aren’t working. When will they ever finish fixing the elevators and escalators. Even if they put an end date to it, I’ve never seen it met. Not once.
Here’s a lovely example of what I’m talking about:
I’d also like to point out that no one is working on it. Typical.
Partial List of My Other Objections